【Things school did not teach】Wow! I can get married!

After years of learning theories, doing endless examinations and participating on-job training, it was all for today to actually help and counsel people

It was my first day being a Hotline volunteer. I was excited but also terrified in front of the phone and waited. I was excited because finally I could implement all my learning as well as training into practice. I was terrified because I expected myself to be “perfect” and worried that I disappointed myself and the other.

While my mind was still wondering, the phone rang. I panicked. I could feel my heart racing. Thankfully, all the training ticked in. I was able to calm myself down and picked up the phone.

“Hello, this is Hotline No. 1. How can I help you?” I asked.

“Hello…you have beautiful voice! As soon I heard your voice, I knew my problem solved.” A man with deep and cheerful voice replied.

I was in shock and could not figure out what just happened. During the training, teachers said that people who called were depressed and were in deep desperate situation. Those people in need really wanted their stories to be heard as well as to be comforted. But this man did not show any negative emotions. Then one thing clicked! Was it a harassed phone call?

“Oh~no! I hope not. It was my first phone call!” I said to myself. I continued to remain calm and asked further to find out.

“This is a Hotline. Is there issue that you face right now and you want to talk?” I asked.

“You know…There is an old Chinese say! There are three life goals, car, house and wife. I am a very successful man. I have a car and a very nice house. I completed two life goals. Now I need a wife. When I heard your voice, I knew you are the one I have searched for life to make my life complete. So what I need is that you marry me and my problem is solved.” He took his time and warmly said.

Honestly, he sounded so sincere. There was no sense of harassment. Even though I only heard those words “you make my life complete” in soap opera not in real life or ancient wisdom, I was touched. If I were not a professional, I probably would say “YES”!

Unfortunately, I was such a good and obedient student. I took my teachers’ warning of never crossing the professional line into heart. So I knew well that my answer to his question was “NO” but this decision did not ease my stress. I had no training of how to deal with the clients’ pursuing. I started to put words together hoping he would give up. For example:  

“You are such successful man with excellent achievement. You can find most suitable person, but me, to be your wife and to make your life more complete. ”

“Thank you but I am not that person to make your life complete. Can we talk about your disappointment and loss?”

“I am sorry that I cannot help you. Can I refer you to other senior staff to assist you?”

I said all the things I would say but nothing worked. He was not annoyed at all and continued to be warm, patient and sweet. It seemed now I was the client and he was the counselor. My anxiety was rising as I ran out of words. Interestingly, I did not dare to hang up the phone. Why? Because it was totally against my belief as a helping professional.

At the end, I decided to lie so I could get out of this stressful phone call. I lied by saying “I would consider” to end this very first phone call in my helping professional career. For me, in this case, “to lie” was more acceptable than “to say no”

Through this experience, I realized that I had a deep belief from my family of origin that “to say no” was directly related to “be a good person” and “yearning to be liked as well as to be recognized”. I also realized that once I could not be myself, I was not able to truly connect with people who come for help.

Although school did not teach how to handle those kinds of pursuers through Hotline, I discovered I still could remain calm to interact with people from the other end of Hotline while my mind was busy searching a way out. I also appreciated myself to be strong to stand by my professionalism and not to say “YES” when that man proposed.