【Social worker’s dilemma】Left or Right
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| photo by Calvin |
Mary has always wanted to establish a family of
her own. She devoted herself to each relationship and wished to have a baby
with her beloved one. Unfortunately, things have not gone as she planned.
Baby’s father always disappeared on her after knowing Mary was pregnant. Mary
was left with her baby to face all the challenges.
Mary already placed her baby for adoption twice.
When working with Mary, I could feel Mary yearned so much to be loved that she
lost ability to make right choice. Just when I felt that Mary was quite settled
to build her life, she got pregnant unexpected again. I signed and then
wondered what to do this time, to place this baby for adoption again or to
support Mary to keep the baby? Interestingly, Mary called and told me that she
and her boyfriend, not the father of the baby, would like to parent this baby
together.
My professional instinct told me that I had to
visit Mary and her baby, especially to check this “boyfriend” out. In Chinese
culture, it is very rare that a man would raise a child not related to him. So
I made an appointment and went. Don’t ask me why. But every piece I saw about
this man triggered my “professional alarm”. I could feel my heart was racing
and my breath was short. I felt I was in dilemma and no words could come out of
my mouth.
Professionally and rationally, I knew I should
not make judgment on a man I just saw. I should not force my personal views on
my client. I should not take away Mary and this man’s chance to try. I should
stay client-centered to assist them to make the best plan at that moment. I
should…
Personally and emotionally, I just wanted to
shake Mary out of her bubble and yell at her by saying: what one earth you
thought this man was reliable? I wanted to tell her that I keep the baby and
she could continually enjoy her romantic life with her boyfriend because I was
terrified and could not stop thinking about all the horrible stories of a baby/
child raised by mother’s boyfriend. So there was no way that I would risk this
baby’s life for them to try. Baby is a human being not a piece of personal
belonging.
I could think of more personal and emotional
reasons not for Mary to keep her baby than professional and rational
intervention plan. Then a thought downed on me so make me realize that I could
not live for Mary and I cannot act based on my fear and all the horrible news I
heard. I am not GOD. Despite my desire to keep everyone child in possible or
potential danger under my wind, I have to learn to trust and believe that GOD
has its plan for Mary, for her baby, and for everyone.
At the end, I signed again. After taking a few
deep breaths, I started to discuss care plan with Mary and her boyfriend and all
possible resources for them. Most importantly, I started to put a “safety net”
for the baby. I just have to learn to live with my fear for this baby after
stepping out of this door.
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